Marriage and Social Media

Perhaps you have read of Rev. Cedric Miller and his call for church staff to delete their Facebook accounts (
http://www.usatoday.com/tech/news/2010-11-17-pastor-facebook_N.htm ). The story has taken a worse turn in recent days, but I wanted to give some reflection on the point I think he was trying to make.

Social media has become a common form of communication in our world. Facebook's ease of use has added to the popularity of  social media across generations. It is hard to find much to not like about being able to share your daily life with friends and family you may be significanly seperated from in our highly mobile society. But like most things in life, our sinful nature can find a way to distort and corrupt something that starts with promises of nothing but good.

Rev. Miller shared that over the last year and a half, much of his marital counseling time has involved marriages where Facebook played a significant factor in pulling into play previous relationships. Our past can have a way of coming back to haunt us, but it does not have to be that way. There are a couple things we can do in our marriages and families to protect both our past and our future.

The first suggestion Rev. Miller had was that spouses share their email and facebook and other passwords with one another.; only after meeting some resistance did the suggestion switch to deleting facebook account. Spouses should be willing to share this information with one another. Knowing the other has access and can see provides encouragement to not cross boundaries that are unhealthy for a marriage. Lisa has access to all my email and my Facebook and I have access to hers. If something comes up or someone appears that the other person should know about, we share this information and what was talked about.

A second practice is really evident within the first, but don't keep skeleton's from the past in a closet. It's not always easy to talk about, but sharing those things brings them out of the darkness and into the light. With full disclosure, there is nothing to fear. Only by withholding from our spouse do we foster an environment for something to come out we thought would stay hidden, which betrays the trust, confidence, and security of the marriage relationship. The bonus to having everything in the light with your spouse, is they know everything and you have nothing to fear, building a stronger more secure relationship.

Take time to share your passwords and other important information with your spouse today to foster the openness and honesty needed for marriage.