I had a conversation the other day with a friend that sparked a train of thoughts. The conversation had drifted into the area of expectations parents typically have for ministry focused toward their children. The expectations discussed were pretty typical expectations of a youth ministry as they have been understood since the late 1960’s and early 1970’s. The problem with this model is it doesn’t work.
There is probably some defensiveness that parents might have at this point. There are many great examples that could be pointed to where someone came through a typical dynamic youth ministry to become a lifelong disciple of Jesus, which is the ultimate goal of any youth ministry. But a quick look at youth ministry statistics would show that they are the exception rather than the rule. I would argue that there are other strong factors that contributed to their outcome. But do a quick search on Bing or Google for youth ministry statistics. I found this one among the results: “An estimated 4% of the “bridger” generation, or Gen Y, will be Bible-believing Christians when they reach adulthood. Their grandparents’ generation: 65%. Their parents’ generation: 35%. (Bridger Generation by Thom S. Rainer).” This is despite all the money and resources used to fund the brightest and best of our dynamic youth ministries.
So where is the problem? These ministries all look so good on the outside, how can they be failing so miserably? I saw miserable because the actual success rate is about 12%. Imagine if a youth minister took a vibrant middle school ministry of 40 students and by their sophomore year reduced them to five students. Parents would be furious and want to have him fired. It still happening, but is not as visible because they are away at college and then beginning their own families and careers (hopefully).
Ultimately, however, it is not his fault. The reason it is not his fault is because the youth minister is attempting to do accomplish a work that someone else has been called to do. He might be able to play a supportive role, but he cannot lead here effectively no matter how magnetic his personality or full of talent are his gifts. This role belongs to the parents as designed by God. If you are unsure about this, take a slow read through Deut. 6 or the first several verses of 2 Timothy. The book of Proverbs also bears witness to this truth. Still unsure? Do another internet search on most influential voices for teens. It will surprise you.
Even still, there are a number of lies the enemy wants parents to believe. I am pulling together a list of these lies to be a basis for this series of articles. I hope they will challenge every parent in how they see their role. Saying a lot is at stake here is no small understatement. I hope you will follow along, asking questions, discussing, reflecting and sharing each one.
Take the next few days to reflect on what kind of responsibilities parents have in the spiritual formation of their children, what the priorities of the parents and the home should be and how those ideals stand up to scripture. On Thursday or Friday I will try to have posted the next part to begin affirming or challenging your thinking. And I am open to being challenged as well. But also consider, within the last 40-50 years, we have begun to attempt spiritual formation and child development in a markedly different way than they have been done within recorded history. Are our results better, worse, or the same as those throughout history?
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